He is fading….. wait….. please don’t go….
A simple thank you note written by the parents of the
precious two year old across the street. Thanking us for her birthday gift. You
see, she struggles to speak words. We cheer when she says “bye” as I cross the
street. Her mommas glow with pride when they tell me of more words she is
learning. So the thank you note is meaningful on so many levels. “ I am
learning to say “JOSH.” These neighbors I have only known for a few short
months, pour over everything I post on FB. Learning about my boy. They told me
they recognize his smile. They are getting to know Josh.
Next door my sweet Alex, innocently, yet sincerely tells me
that Josh would have an asthma attack if he had been with us at the pumpkin
patch. I smiled and agreed. She sat at the table last week scrolling through
years of pictures. Asking about different ones. Alex knows Josh.
At home for a wedding, a young man Josh’s age who recently
wed, tells me how he cried when a butterfly landed on his pants leg during the
ceremony. He told me he thought a lot about Josh. What? I never knew. I didn’t know as you grew
up and came to my house for airsoft wars.
Desi, Josh’s online best friend for many years ask if she
could have some of his “items” from a game they used to play for hours. How special it would be. Amber went on Josh’s
account and gave them to her. A simple thing but again, she is keeping Josh
alive.
But, where are some of the memories from his childhood?
Please share with me…. He is fading…. I’m glad you will always remember him….
But he is fading……. TELL ME…
What do you occasionally laugh about? What memory do you
have?
Why, why have so many that helped raise him gone on? Why
would you not help keep my boy alive?
Ashtyn and Nick only knew Josh for 28 months. Ashtyn
continually thinks of stories and we laugh and laugh. He is alive in Ashtyn….
I have a FB messenger group that Kelly named, “FAM”. Yes,
sweet kids, to me they are my kids.
We share what is going on in their lives. Everyonce in a
while I ask for a memory…. They keep him alive….
Oh “V”. Thank you for not leaving me. Thank you for all the
stories of the 4 short months you had with him.
Thank you for letting me watch as you move on, yet include Ashtyn and I.
Oh, believe me, I know that time goes on and life moves on.
I love hearing what Josh’s childhood friends are doing and watching them
succeed.
When a parent loses a child, the biggest fear is that they
will not be remembered. That their name won’t be said.
I go through his emails. I dig through his account. Is there
something new I haven’t seen? A funny picture? Oh please friends of his. Dig
through every picture, video. Are you sure there isn’t something else I can
see?
Beth gets it. Josh kept Zach alive. But now they are both
together and we are trying to remember. To keep them both alive.
"We are praying for you." STOP! I KNOW YOU ARE. I WANT MY BOY
TO BE ALIVE. TELL ME THE MEMORIES.
The last picture taken of you. The radiant happy young man. Oh
sweet boy. That picture is getting further and further away in my photos.
Todd, please lift him up so I can put my arms around his
body one more time. That shell. The one in the new tennis shoes, fancy jeans
and black shirt. Your glasses are smudged. Like always.
I put both arms around you, trying to hold you up. This
shell, the one I raised.
In reality, you and Zach are alive and well. Both of you are
healed. Running ahead of us. Joyful and happy. YOU REALLY ARE ALIVE.
This is grief ya’ll. This is reality. I am content and
joyful in my sorrow because Jesus lives in me and he lives with Joshua. We are
just in different spots right now.
Please don’t worry about me. I’m good. God is good. This is
just things that go through your mind and heart when your child is gone.
Please don’t fade….. AS LONG AS I HAVE BREATH YOU WILL LIVE.
“I’m learning to say Josh!”
