“Well, I’ve been wondering when that anger would surface, “ my
counselor said last week.
Anger is a yucky thing. I’ve never been one to hold grudges
or anger. I’ve always just said what I thought and go about my business.
No reason to hold grudges or anger. It can do nothing but
hurt you. Just deal with your thoughts.
Psychology has always fascinated me. The different
personality types. The reason a person does what they do.
When I go back to what I’ve learned about the makeup of
people, I usually get a better grip on the reason behind their behavior.
Josh and I had many discussions about personalities, people,
the mental psyche.
I miss that time. I miss the understanding he and I had. The way we could analyze a
situation or person.
A week before he died, he was revisiting his years of
depression. His text said, “You see, I’m not mad at Zach anymore. I’m trying to
deal with WHY it had to happen.”
That was on his mind even though he was so very happy. Helps
us understand why, when he thought he was losing yet another best friend/soul
mate, he was done. Dead within 12 hours.
There is absolutely no anger or guilt towards myself, Todd,
Amber, Josh, “V”. No anger toward God.
Anger is a natural grief thing.
Anger ……. What a surprise.
Anger…
·
NO happy teen years.
·
Two best friends are all that remain.
·
Marriages
·
Babies
·
Graduations
·
“Normal” brains
·
Loneliness
·
Friends who have disappeared
·
Adventures he is missing
·
The root cause of our loss
·
Totally ignored and denial
·
Empty house
·
No brother
·
No son
GRIEF = E.X.A.U.S.T.I.N.G
I press on to
reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through
Christ Jesus, is calling us.
For we know
that if our earthly house, the tent we live in, is dismantled, we have a
building from God, a house not built by human hands, that is eternal in the
heavens.
Anger is not a
sin.
Anger can ruin
you, even in grief
I can hear my
Joshy telling me, “Mom, it doesn’t matter anymore.”
I know my sweet
boy. I know. I will deal, I will give it to God.
It’s real
It hurts
It’s normal
I have chosen to
grieve in a healthy way.
I will move
forward with my grief.
I will live!
Just please be
patient……..
