Moving

We moved to this new land a week before the one-year anniversary of Josh’s heaven day.

I never realized how gratefully numb I was.

Determined to make this move without falling apart.

Completely detaching from the world that included Josh. Leaving behind, in a quick slash, every person and familiar surrounding. Todd and I didn’t realize this is what it would take to help us move forward. Nothing the same. No one we could lean on except God and each other.

Little did we know that God had already put into place a neighborhood of fun and laughter.

Neighbors who listened to my stories of Josh.

Numbness gone and the pain suffocating me.

Year two was the ripping of the scabs. The continuous ice-cream headache that leaves you grabbing your head in pain.

Glimpses of joy did come.

Babies grown into toddlers, running and learning to talk. Hugs abundant!

Our street of big kids walking down our hill happy to be home from school. Playing together, laughing!

In one short year the Quarter Horse occupants have become family.

Who knew a simple breakfast at Panera would lead to a fulfilling nine months opening a Talbots store and becoming a part time Key Holder. A manager and assistant manager who challenged me to learn the system of retail. Taught me more than I ever dreamed. Pushed me at times when I really wanted to retreat back home and hibernate. I discovered I enjoy dressing mannequins, organizing signage, back stock, helping women feel pretty and important!

What a joy I have had working with so many ladies and helping in the training as they become the face of Talbots.

All a part of my healing. Every one of them listening and listening to my stories of my boy.

My Talbots family!

We have enjoyed this beautiful area. I never thought I would be sad to leave. Just look at what God hath provided. Each a piece of our story. A piece of our healing.

My friends at the hairdresser told me I looked stronger and healthier than I did a year ago when I walked in their door. I’m glad. I’m trying.

I believe God has a plan for every aspect of our lives. He did not plan for Josh to kill himself. But, he knew of my boy’s sickness and pain. Todd and I have a choice to blame or follow. I have tried to watch for God’s plan to make beauty from ashes. To follow the path laid out for us on this journey.

I will never be healed from my grief. I will just keep moving forward. This emptiness that used to be filled with my boy will always be there until I too can finally move HOME.

Until then, off to the swamp of New Orleans!