Friends

I Thank My God Every-time I Remember You.... Philippians 1:3 

·      Friends who stop what they are doing and drive you to your son’s apartment to confirm his death.

·      Go to your daughter’s house so you can call and tell her about her brother

·      Drive your daughter part way home and hand her off to other friends so they can get her home.

·      Drive as fast as they can to help deal with the police and  M.E. officials.

·      Stay with your dead son and escort his body to the van so he won’t be alone.

·      Fill your house with love as you wait for your husband to make it home.

·      Buy groceries in the middle of the night.

·      Unknown friends hand your husband tissues in the middle of the airport as he cries out. Then searches until he finds us to give a message of care.

·      Sit at your house the next morning before you get up.

·      Instruct you in what to do.

·      Sit with you at the funeral home.

·      Drive you to the embalming place to get his finger print in order to open his phone.

·      Help write his obituary.

·      Take me to Sonic for some kind of normalcy

·      Fill your texts and FB with love.

·      Let you tell the story, over and over.

·      Food.

·      Loan their house so parents can stay.

·      Feed you.

·      Come from 10 hours away to be with you.

·      Look at my sweet boy even tho I know they would rather have not.

·      Support as you kiss and hug your boy.

·      Make sure everything is perfect at the funeral.

·      Clean out your son’s apartment when the hazmat people are finished.

·      Text me

·      Hug me every.single.time. I walk into SB.

·      Because she works there, sit with my boy as he is rolled into the furnace so he won’t be alone. Get his ashes and bring them to me.

·      Seem to know what we need because after all, didn’t we JUST go through this 5 years ago.

·      Continue to meet me.

·      Continually text.

·      “Like” my posts.

·      Pray, pray, pray

Thank you God for friends. Friends that I know have done so much more than this………

The past 11 week are such a blur….  I’m walking and doing and breathing. There is so much I should remember but don’t. So much more friends have done.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

“A True Friend Sees the Pain in Your Eyes While Everyone Else Believes Your Smile.”

It is Well With My Soul…… but is it?

Nanelle led us in a rendition of this song on Sunday… reminded us that Josh and others are in heaven and ALL IS WELL WITH THEIR SOUL now.

Todd and I had a good ugly cry during that song, but peace as well.

Is it well with my soul?

But God, you could have healed Josh completely.

But God,  you could have jammed the gun. I’ve heard of other failed suicide attempts.

But God,  you could take away this pain.

But God……..

But God didn’t….. Is it well with my soul?

This is so easy to say when things are going well…Oh yes we are so blessed! Oh, look what God did for us. Blah, blah, blah…..

But can I honestly say It is Well?

Through the pain and tears it IS well with my soul.

I hold on to God. He said NO, but it is well…..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHosmHnOrb8

“Even if…”  IT IS WELL!

The Club I Don't Want To Be In

Sunday, I looked across the church building and saw one five month member of our special group.

Ran in the bathroom before we left and ran into another member of 5 months.

I am the newest member, two months.

For a church so small it is astonishing that there are three members of the club, along with two others that belong with the 5 month membership, but don’t attend our congregation.

That is five, yes five moms, that had to pay the ultimate dues to become a member of a club very few HAVE to join. And all in the past five months.

I don’t want to be a part of this club.

We don’t even have to speak. We look into each other’s eyes and just know.

As the 5 month member and I were speaking in the bathroom, another lady turned around and looked at us. “Yall make me feel so guilty. I get so frustrated at my teens. I don’t even know what to say. I’m so sorry.”

“Nothing,” we both say. “Nothing.”

One to cancer, three because they chose to go out in the boat that dreary morning, and one who chose to shoot himself. All almost 19 years old.

None of the members of the club CHOSE this.

I know one thing though, we haven’t given up. We hate it.

Not sure how God will use me in this club. Not sure how to do it. I pray nobody has to join.

One thing’s for sure……. Ashley, Spencer, Chris and Josh loved Jesus. Because of that, we members will see our babies again!!

We love you kids….. That’s for sure!

Butterflies

Butterflies 

Butterflies have a significant meaning to Beth and I!  
On September 17, 2011, the day we buried Zach... A beautiful butterfly landed on the windshield of the Sinclairs and stayed there. 

Beth began to notice that day after day she would always see a butterfly....

A few days afterward I was sitting out in my backyard and these two little yellow butterflies were darting all around as if they were chasing each other. They would fly over to me then dart back across the yard. It reminded me of Zach and Josh..... Darting all over the acreage chasing each other, bugging me, and off again....

So the butterfly became the symbol that Zachery was saying hello and the reminder that God hadn't forgotten.
Beth has seen a butterfly every single day for almost 6 years...... 

In my Josh's thoughtful way, he would always point out butterflies to me.... He gave me a butterfly charm, drew butterflies for me.

On Monday, April 10 when Josh came home to say Happy early Birthday to me and get some coffee..... he had run by the gift store looking for the perfect BD gift to bring me. He told me he knew exactly what he wanted to buy the minute he saw it. 

He brought me a sweet picture of three butterflies......

Whenever I look at it, I am reminded that I have three children waiting for me in heaven.... two I haven't met or held.... and my precious boy.....

In Christianity, the butterfly symbolizes the resurrection of Christ....

"For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed." (1 Corinthians 15:52b)

The caterpillar disappears into a cocoon, appearing dead, just as Christ was laid in the tomb after the crucifixion. Later, it emerges, having transformed into something more beautiful and powerful than it was.

In Vietnamese culture, the butterfly represents long life.

Native American culture says the yellow butterfly means hope and guidance.  

Josh didn't have a long life here on earth but he will now live forever in hope and guidance..... he is complete......

Zach and Josh.... fly friends, fly.........

 Our bodies are buried in brokenness, but they will be raised in glory. They are buried in weakness, but they will be raised in strength. (

1 Corinthians 15:43)