Tangled Lights

I saw this picture on my support group. It gave such an accurate visual of my grief.

Tangled Christmas lights. One half shine bright while the other half are off, no light shining bright.

Painstakingly, I look for the blown bulb. The one bulb that caused the light to go out.

If I could just change that bulb, the others would come back on.

Some are shining, clear, sparkling. The others, dark, shades of the color they should be if the light would just come back on.

One tiny bulb causing this frustration and outage.

The month of December had shades of light. Bright shining light.

Yet, the light bulb was out.

Missing was the shining smile. The fast-humored comments. My best buddy.

The finals, and finally the awaited graduation. Everyone so happy for our girl. Josh would have been bored out of his mind sitting for three hours. Yet laughing with his Aunt Misty as she sang the TAMU school song. Making fun of all of the hard to pronounce foreign names being called, and then hooted when the announcer mispronounced Amber’s Vietnamese middle name of Mai. Exceedingly proud of his sister though.

Happy families everywhere. Disney, the happiest place. Unless you are missing a bulb in the tangled string of lights known as the new us. The family of three.

Times of happy light trickle in. Yet I can’t see another happy family for the moment. Always a reminder that our Christmas lights are off because of the missing bulb.

Just like the tangled lights, there is a string of lights that are still on. Holding on for dear life.

Amber, Todd and I hold on to each other. Shining the light and being the light needed for the day.

Encouragement sent from new friends and old. A new set of "kids" Josh would be thrilled to see because he loved his second "sister" so.

 A Christmas dinner attended by Josh’s friends. Time taken from their day to give this grieving mom a hug and a smile. I had a coin made for them, reminding them to never give up and had Josh’s initials placed in the middle.

NEVER GIVE UP

As frustrating as tangled lights can be, I will patiently keep making progress. Our string of lights will never be complete this side of Heaven. But I never forget that Jesus is shining His light each day in the form of Grace! Helping me walk and talk and get out of bed. Reminding me of memories past and giving me hope for the future. One day Todd, Amber and I will see that glorious light that Joshua sees. Once again, I will hold my sweet boy.

 Until then, I keep my faith and put on my badge.

KEPT GOING